Yesterday I overheard a woman at the table next to me yapping about this and that to her friend. The yapping woman and her friend were both eating cheese-less paninis filled with tiny chicken chunks and a field green salad on the side. From my perspective the field green salad had very little dressing, if any at all. The friend had a Diet Coke* with no ice. The yapping woman, an ice tea with extra ice. That should tell you everything you need to know about these two. Yep, I hated them. And I hated the words plopping out of their mouths even more:
"I mean, it's that time of year again."
"Yes, I know. I can't believe it."
"Here we go again. It just never ends."
"It literally seems like yesterday."
"I know, and here it is!"
"I know. It's awful."
"Well, I am just going to get an early jump on it so I don't have to think about it anymore."
"That's a good idea, just get it all out of the way."
This conversation, as you may or may not have guessed, was about Christmas. About Christmas time and its imminent arrival. As I said, this conversation took place yesterday, November 9th--a fact I took note of in my brain. I also took note that the barely-there dressing on their side salads was indeed no more than vinegar with a squeeze of lemon. And I took note of that being gross.
As their mindless tongues pounded around in their mindless mouths, I thought about how much people love complaining about Christmas coming early. And yet, they themselves are the ones that MAKE it come early. Just because there are Christmas trees in Home Depot on October 1st, doesn't mean you have to buy one Ladies! I see adjustable wrenches there all year long but that doesn't mean I say "AW man, why is it ALWAYS adjustable wrench season??!!! It literally seems like it's everyday!! Oh darn, guess I have to buy one right now and get it over with!"
Why do you think, Ladies, that Santa is sitting in his plywood house in the middle of the mall on Thanksgiving with his tummy grumbling--antsy to get home to Mrs Claus' famous Thanksgiving green bean casserole? BECAUSE OF YOU LADIES!! Because you are there looking for early stocking stuffers in the accessory clearance bin at the back of Forever XXI!!!!! And hammering the Westfield customer service desk with accusations of fraudulent wrongdoings regarding gift card expiration dates--but still buying 19 of them in $10 increments. YOU are the ones who get a November mani/pedi with affixed Christmas tree-shaped decorative gems. And I am pretty sure you are the ones who last week, bought that new Christmas album featuring songs by Mariah Carey's head and someone else's skinny body (at least that's what I got from the cover).
Well, you know what...enjoy your dry salad you whiny, materialistic, Thanksgiving skip-overers. Cuz guess what time of year it is in my calendar? The season for blogging about people who bug. ALREADY??!! I can't believe it! Here we go again! I might as well get an early jump on it, just to get it out of the way.
*An Interesting Fact -- My dad says drinking a Diet Coke is the same as drinking a glass of water. And that is simply not true. Because a Diet Coke is an aluminum can filled with chemicals and sodium with a splash of water, and a glass of water is a glass filled with water.